If you were a Friends fan back in the nineties and early noughties, we’re sure you’re familiar with the episode where Ross and Rachel hire a male nanny, or ‘manny’. As such, you’ll also be familiar with the scene where Ross famously says ‘a man wanting to be a nanny is weird, it’s like a woman wanting to be a…’ and then finds himself stumped as to what the end of that sentence is.
Image credit: Entertainment Weekly, 2019
If you’re unsure of what we’re talking about, there’s a clip here but, to this day we’re still trying to think of something to finish Ross’s sentence off. It’s probably because there’s nothing women can’t do but it has got us questioning why there was, and still remains to be, such a stigma against men wanting to be nannies.
The ‘obvious’ answer might be that nannying has typically been seen as a female role, as an extension of old-fashioned gender roles wherein men were characterised as breadwinners and protectors, while a woman’s role was in the home, caring for children. But attitudes and gender roles have shifted drastically since Friends first aired, and mannies have come a long way too.
Consider the rise in men taking paternity leave - between 2017 - 2018, over 235,000 men in the UK took up paternity leave so they could play a more active role in raising a family. So, by that measure, why would it be unusual that more males find satisfaction in childcare and caring for a family, and thus want to explore nannying?
According to a gender bias report in the US, 98% of nannies are female and only 2% are male. An article by The Sun also estimates that that figure is the same in the UK, which is staggering as there can be so many perks to hiring a male nanny:
For single-parent families, having a positive male role model or ‘father figure’ around can be a plus, and for dual-parent families, a ‘manny’ can simply act as a trusted and supportive older brother figure to play and interact with.
When it comes to play and organising activities, males are typically more physically active. Physical activity is always a welcome bonus to support health and wellbeing, but also helps to burn some of your childrens’ excess energy, so everyone can get a better night’s sleep!
Evolution has led men to adopt a naturally very protective quality, so it may also bring you comfort to know that your child (or children) has a protector of sorts to mind them during the day.
Having a male nanny in a female-dominated industry will help teach your child broader gender perceptions and set the foundations for understanding that a person can become anything they are passionate about, without boundaries set by gender.
Things to consider before hiring a male nanny:
If you’re unsure of hiring a male nanny, first address what’s holding you back.
This could be addressed through conversation with a friend, a therapist or your partner but you should take a moment to consider where any hesitation comes from. Is it simply that the concept is still unfamiliar? Is there perhaps some unconscious bias acting as a barrier? Are you looking for certain attributes you’re worried a male nanny may not possess? Is there just one Manny in the who’s making you feel uncertain?
Equally, if your partner is also male and has reservations, it’s important to discuss this. Are they worried of another male / potentially paternal presence? Do they mesh well with the nanny too?
Reach out to other families who have had hired male nannies, as they’ll likely be able to speak to their experience, share any learnings and answer questions to ease any doubts you have.
If interviewing, ask what drew them to this profession. If you have any doubts in your mind, the answer to this question should quickly give you a steer on whether a male nanny, or that one in particular, is right for you and your family’s needs.
Write a list of key skills and attributes you’d like your nanny to have.
Whether male or female, this can be a good way to help you overcome any hesitation in the event you shortlist a male nanny. If he has all the qualifications, skills and personality traits you’re looking for, and during an interview the dynamic works, then gender ought not to be an issue.
Also be transparent about ways of working and your expectations so it’s clear for all parties whether the fit is mutually beneficial.
The main thing(s) to take away…
Across the UK there are many male nannies available and, in turn, a wide variety of skills, qualifications and attributes to choose from. Ultimately the nanny you select should be the person whose skillset and personality best aligns with your family’s beliefs, lifestyle and needs but let 2022 be the year that you take a moment to consider the untapped potential of male nannies.